I Ain’t Blushing…
Ten years ago I would have giggled, blushed and turned my back in a slow bashful sweep; I would have squinted, cocked my head to the side and maybe examined him a little closer; I would have had fluttering and skipping of beats in my heart. That would have happened ten years ago, but two days ago that did not happen, and I’m not surprised.
I’m inching towards my thirties and there’s something rather pretentious about being told how nice a smile I have or how my eyes say more than my lips can utter. I guess it’s because I’m being told by someone I don’t know; someone who knows nothing about me, about my flaws, my weaknesses, or my fears. What is so moving about someone’s appearance that can make another become googly-eyed, when there is so much more to a person than their exterior?
I might have been flattered once upon a time, a time when I craved the eyes of men, liked the reassurance that I had something, but you know what? I really had nothing at all. Nothing. And in all honesty, I don’t think I have much now either.
God is consistently teaching me through life, giving me lessons from which I learn about myself and others. And I’m learning that being on display for all to ogle at once upon a time, was nothing to be proud of at all, and now it saddens me to see the hungry eyes of men, and women not knowing any better, falling prey to packs of wolves who want nothing more than a meal.
And wolves will always be hungry, on the hunt for a sweeter meal; I’m not interested in being devoured, nor are there any pink flushes in my cheeks, because this time, I ain’t blushing.
– The Londoner